Don’t Wake Me. I’m Dreaming.

On second thought, wake me.

I want my car back.  Now.  Grrrrrr.

But I’m not here on this wet Thursday Christmas Eve Eve morning to rage about that.  I’m here for this…

I must have hit some of my own nerves by writing, thinking, and rethinking these things I’ve been talking about lately because I’ve been having some of the most troubling dreams.

Dream: Howling

I was taking a class.  I often have a lot of school day imagery in my dreams but this one was Landmark-related.  In my dreams, schools are often the context in which people from all areas and ages of my life are mixed together and blended into one grand “play”.

There were a lot of subplots, but the one I woke up remembering was the one where I met a really cool girl.  She had dark hair.  That’s all I remember about her.  We were talking and hanging out and walked from the school to what was a combination of some places I’ve lived before and a dormitory. Multiple beds and a kitchen area in the same room.  Weird.

When we went in a friend of mine was there (another “nice guy”).  We greeted him and kept on talking.  I think at some point we may have all sat down at a kitchen table.  I stood up for some reason and walked to the window.  It was open but the screen was down.  There was a dog outside — black and brown with a lot of fur and I realized that it was a wolf.  It’s head was down and it looked at me and I looked back.  We were staring at each other.  As it walked closer it got bigger and bigger until it was the size of a bull, like a six or seven hundred pound wolf.

It came up to the screen, raised its head and gave a sharp, loud but low howl.  I was startled and took a step back.  It hurt my ears, it was so loud.  I was relieved that it didn’t try to come in.

Suddenly I was looking at a valley and standing near a lion.  He broke and ran away and the valley filled up with animals running, almost a stampede.  I figured that the wolves were running after them and all the other animals were running from them.

Then I was back inside.  I turned to the girl and my friend and said, “Did you see the size of that thing?!”

But when I turned they weren’t at the table anymore.  But I was looking at them through a strewn pile of laundry and a mess on the kitchen tablethat was all mine.  They were in the corner  of the room bathed in soft, warm light lying next to each other in bed having a conversation.  He was on his back next to the wall.  She was next to him about a foot and a half way on her side on one elbow. 

Then I woke up.

Dream: Hiding

I don’t know if I can write about this one here.  It’s pretty darn racy.  I guess I can put some effort into it and just convey the gist because it’s the symbology that’s important.

Night.  I went to visit a female friend.  She was in a high rise apartment.  I think I may have been surprising her.  Next thing I remember she was tryng to get me to hide.  We weren’t doing anything inappropriate but she had a boyfriend and so told me to hide under the bed.  Then she pulled the blanket down so that I couldn’t be seen.  For some reason I had a cup or mug in my hand and something else in the other.  I tried to stay quiet but every time I moved I made noise.  Then I just said, screw this.  I want to know what’s going on and I haven’t done anything wrong so I shouldn’t be hiding.  It was very quiet in the apartment.

For some reason the bed was next to something like a kitchen bar.  So I got up and looked, peering over the kitchen bar and kind of around a corner, and I heard and then saw her having relations, shall we say, with a guy.  I was trying not to be seen at first but then she noticed me.  But she didn’t say anything.  She didn’t want me to see this, I could tell, but she was too caught up to care.  Then I realized that she was with two guys at once.  Then one of the guys noticed me, but none of them cared.

Afterwards, everyone was standing around talking openly, kind of high fiving each other.  A third guy walked out of the bedroom and it turns out he was my friend’s boyfriend.  What the hell?  I was upset but I was cool.

Then the two guys turned to leave.  The boyfriend may have been going with them, too.  But I noticed a fourth guy who went to the same high school I did (I’ll make up a name).  I said, “John???” 

“Yeh.”

“What are you doing here?  You mean you come here with these guys and you have to, like, wait and … watch?”

“Yeh.”

Then that flipped my switch.  I calmly walked over to one of the guys.  I was going to punch him but sometimes I don’t fight too well in my dreams.  So I gave him an open-handed crack across the jaw.  I think I was in a partial, lucid dream state because I was about to jump on his neck and then move to the next guy.  I wanted a big fight where I could unleash all my pent up rage.  The moment never came, though.

It’s like the dream took over again.  I was suddenly sitting in my car at a traffic light.  The car was working but wouldn’t move and the light was green.  I moved the shifter forward a notch and the car went forward.  Then I realized that I had to go back.  I had to see my friend to talk to her, to understand, to get some closure or something.  So I tried to turn out.

Then I was suddenly walking up a long concrete stairway outside leading to the building.  I wanted to talk to my friend.  But a group of people that turned out to be the parents of her and her boyfriend joined me and were all headed up as well.

I woke up.  I think that I became too consciously aware while I was dreaming and lost hold of it.

 

I would say, what’s it all mean.  But it’s pretty obvious.  There’s also a lot of things in the dreams that have come out of events over the past few days. The car stalling, the classrooms, the large wolf (I watched that awful Van Helsing movie yesterday), the lion (I read an old email from someone — the father of one of my friends who was with the group for a while in France 2002 — calling me Gary the Lion-Hearted), even the dalliance (to be polite) (I watched that awful Starsky and Hutch movie yesterday, too).

But it all came together to tell a similar story.  Hmmmm.  C’mon, subconscious.  Tell me something I don’t know.  Gimme something I can work with.  Empower me.

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