It’s February. You know what means. It’s Black History Month and I’m sure it’s affecting your life dramatically. But that also means that it’s a perfect time to ramble on about something or nothing in particular. Since I’m all caught up on my emails and such it’s the perfect time. The perfect time for a rehashed rant.
I got a new 27″ TV/VCR/DVD combo last week. It’s fantabulous. So big. It’s also encouraged DVD renting so I’ve seen a lot of movies recently.
Forgotten, Anchorman, Wicker Park, Troy, Ghost in the Shell, Anaconda 2 (worst movie of the year), Catwoman (second worst of movie of the year — no, it was the worstest worst movie), a host of Sci-Fi channel movies, Resident Evil 2, Blade 3, Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou, I Robot, Man On Fire, etc. I’ve seen a lot more but I can’t remember them all right now. Some I liked, some I didn’t. Granted, I do watch a lot of crappy movies but the “good” ones — dramas, romances, period pieces — well … they’re included.
[Warning: Sarcasm Ahead]
No matter how many movies I see, the bulk of which come out of Hollywood, I’ve found an underlying, consistent theme. It’s a western archetype and it doesn’t matter much whether it’s a comedy, romance, action, sci-fi, mystery or other genre. The underlying sensibility, the absolute moral that our media conveys, is as follows:
A reasonably attractive, skinny white woman is worth dying for, living for, killing, mass killing, uprooting your life, losing your job, cheating on your wife, beating your kids, leaving a life of crime, leaving a life of upstanding morals, changing religions, contracting STDs, giving up immortality and so on.
Approximately 6 to 10 lives of unattractive people, minorities or anyone who disagrees with the protagonist of the movie you’re watching are equivalent to the life of one white woman. A child who resembles, let’s say, Dakota Fanning is worth all the souls of the entire population of Mexico, apparently. Make no mistake. If you do find yourself deep in the sewers of New York City or a dark labyrinth on another planet being pursued by other-wordly demonic hell beasts, please keep in mind that the priority of any civil group is to ensure that the most attractive caucasian male and female survive, apparentlysothat they may propagate and pass on their genes.
If the aforementioned couple survives AND a third individual also survives, the third wheel is expected to succumb to being eaten, shot, crushed, stabbed, asphyxiated, electrocuted, dismembered, maimed or otherwise mangled, pushed off a ledge, disintegrated or exploded to remove any social complications or awkwardness. Resistance is futile. It is the way of things. Also, said couple is entirely in their rights at this point to boink on your smoldering ashes or charred remains as they laugh gleefully at their good fortune to still be alive.
That’s what I learned from Hollywood. Well, that and gay people are funny and non-threatening. I learned that, too. I refer you to Catwoman. You have got to rent it to see just how bad a movie can be. It’s a classic. And I’ve got one word for you: Basketball. Ouch. Experience true cinematic pain.
Anyway, surreptitously promoting Aryan superiority is all in good fun. Nothing to get excited about. Heck. I wouldn’t even mention it if it weren’t Black History Month. And I already vented last year about the trivialization and the de-fanging of Dr. Martin Luther King’s life and legacy.
That reminds me for some reason … Did I ever tell you about the time I looked up Snuffleupagus on the internet? I was checking on the spelling because some people say “Snuffleufagus” but it’s supposed to be “Snuffleupagus” — with a “p”. So I looked it up and came across a white supremacy site saying that Sesame Street is some kind of Jewish, mud people conspiracy to destroy the racial pride of young white kids. Too much Spanish and too many hispanics and black kids. And who knows what those filthy muppet people are supposed to be. Y’know?
People are a kick. You gotta love ’em.