TGIF, Out With a Fizzle, Pearl Jam Forest
SENTENCES WITHOUT CONTEXT
“Have you learned nothing from my treachery?”
“Gator mouth on the left. Gator mouth on the right. Give ’em something to fight about!”
“I’m waiting for James to get in there and hold a burger.”
Google search: Trees smell like semen
Results 1 – 10 of about 212,000 for trees smell like semen. (0.16 seconds)
GAME CANCELED ON ACCOUNT OF LAME
Crap. Every time I start to relax I remember that I have training tomorrow (Saturday) morning from 9am to 6pm. We had four sessions already. Mon-Thur 4:30-9:30pm. Oy gevalt! But we had off tonight (Friday), which is a good thing because tonight was the last company softball game of the season. I was primed, so pumped, to get out there and finally win one. I even had a few people lined up to go to the batting cage with me before the game.
There was a game last night (Thursday), too. I missed it because I was in training. I heard it was a hell of a game. Even though our team was playing with two less people they only lost by two points. That’s two less batters per inning and they were still close. And I heard that Jenny got a nice solid hit. She went out there, took all that practice and work and turned it into a solid hit between first and second bases. I’m so proud but I wasn’t there to see it. I may never see it. And Larry even played. Can you believe that? Man, I wish I could have been there. So everyone was thinking that we could win tonight’s game.
Last week one of my cousins invited me to the symphony to see Josh Bell with the BSO. Josh Bell is a baaaad violin playin’ man. I passed it up for tonight’s game. I mean, last game of the season, c’mon. Do you see where I’m going with this?
There was no game tonight because we didn’t have enough people to play. In typical fashion for our company, just when we have a chance to strike (while the proverbial iron is hot) we quit and do something easier or maybe nothing at all. So I’m very disappointed right now. Go, us.
I went to the batting cage anyway. Got some solo practice in. I quit after 112 swings. Frankly, my hands still hurt. I tried the medium pitch hardball cage for two tokens. It was rough. I had to adjust my stance, bat position, and a few other things. Oh. Advice. Don’t use a softball bat for hitting hardballs. My hands were rrrrrrringing. Then I went back to the slow pitch softball cages and missed the first six or so pitches. Weird. I was trying to call my shots but didn’t do all that well. However, I did figure out that I’m much more accurate when my eyes follow the ball all the way to the bat. Apparently, sometimes when I’m hitting I stop tracking the ball when it gets close. Learn something new every day. Apparently, I do the same thing when I’m playing tennis.
PEARL JAM FOREST
Please send your children out of the room. The next topic is for adults only.
Chinese Chestnut (or a hybrid of the American Chesnut), Carob or tree of heaven. These are three types of trees known, when in bloom or pollenating or when their fruit rots, to smell like semen. Yeh, you heard me right. I wasn’t going to bring this up but a co-worker mentioned it the other day and I was glad that it’s not just my imagination. Let me back up a little bit.
I was driving home at night after the evening training this week, headed south out of Old Town Alexandria on the GW Parkway. The windows were down and the music was blaring. Oh, I miss my iPod. A fragrance wafted into the car and then grew more powerful. The instant thought was, “Man, what is that smell!”
Then my brain kicked in “Ugh. It smells like jiz. And lots of it.”
If you aren’t aware of the fact that some trees occasionally smell like baby batter, you will get some very strange visuals in your head. Whatever the case, it makes you think. Is this the result of some kind of fauna mating season? Is there splooge (my co-worker’s phrasing) dripping from the tree limbs? Maybe there’s a fertility clinic back there somewhere with people in white lab coats and safety goggles stirring large vats of flash-pasteurized ejaculate with sterilized oars.
Now, despite what you may have heard, read, rumors you may have started, dedicated web sites, grainy internet video, etc. I am not a conneisseur. But even if you know your way around penis protein, this is just overwhelming. The first time I ever encountered spunky flora was in Palo Alto, CA. I was walking down the street with an Apple co-worker and fellow musician and he mentioned something about the trees that “some people say smell like something unpleasant”.
Nature is a trip, isn’t it? Is that coincidence? That some tree sex smells like human body fluids? Or vice versa, since trees have been around longer. If it serves some purpose, what is it? I could theorize but I might end up on some kind of watch list. I’d better quit while I’m ahead.
Oh man. It’s time to get ready for bed. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow.
Enjoy your weekend, America.
Currently listening :
Release date: By 01 June, 1999