Girls: Tales of Inter-Gender Encounters
They call me yuck mouth
Cause I don’t brush my teeth and I like my teeth like this
They call me yuck mouth
Cause I don’t brush my teeth
How about a little kiss
I got some beef in my teeth and some chicken too
Ouch! That’s a cavity
Hey that’s new
So if you don’t brush your teeth then you too will be a yuck mouth
I also hanker for a hunk of cheese
I have got to see that Mr. Bean movie. He kills me. And now for our feature presentation.
GIRLS: TALES OF INTER-GENDER ENCOUNTERS
Girls the girls they love me
Cause he’s the overweight lover, Heavy D
I. Am. Socially retarded. Thank you.
1. Crazy Distraught Girl
Weeks ago, I get off the train at Huntington. End of the line, my stop, long day. I see a thin, white girl showing too much skin walk by. I try to be discrete about ogling. Trying to decide if I consider her attractive. I walk on. She goes by in the other direction.
A few seconds later, before I get on the escalator, I turn around to make a quick scan for mid-riff girl and, whoa, she’s standing there asking me if she can use my cell phone to call her brother. She’s young — late teens.
Tells me she’s been calling her friend repeatedly and she’s been crying and going out of her mind because she’s stuck there and doesn’t know where her brother is. Her friend on the phone says that the guy is there somewhere. She thanks me and runs off to the escalator leading to the upper Kiss/Park ‘n Ride.
I get up to the lot where the bus stops are. She’s standing there with tears in her eyes quietly freaking out. I ask her if her brother’s there. Tell her she can use my phone again. She does. Calls her friend for the zillionth time and apparently her brother is nearby.
Girl says, I think I see them. Okay, great. I hold out my hand for my cell phone. She steps toward me, inside the 18″ personal space, holds up my phone in a I’ll-hand-it-back-to-you-but-first… kind of way.
She says, “Okay. I’m not wearing my contacts right now. Those two guys walking toward us. Does one have reddish hair and the other long, black hair?”
I say, “I don’t know about reddish hair but the one on the left has long black hair tied in a pony tail.”
“Thank you”. She hands me my cell phone.
She turns around and walks toward the two guys coming toward us. They are positively Dundalkian. Metal, head banger types. Little rough around the edges.
She runs toward them with an excited girl scream, jumps up on to the one guy, wraps her legs around him and kisses him.
Brother? Maybe not. Then why would she … I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. Crazy girl makes her way in the world the best she knows how.
2. Pretty Girl
Tonight. Worked late. Exiting the Huntington Metro at about 8:30. Headphones on as always. Someone taps me on the arm. A pretty black girl with beautiful skin asks me which bus goes down Route 1 to Lockheed. For some reason I can’t remember where Lockheed is even though I’ve been on it many times.
The escalator is broken. She walks up the escalator. I walk up the steps next to her. Again, late teens, I’d guess. Hard to tell. Petite, tight jeans, smells good. I say that it’s either the 151 or 152 bus she wants. They both do the same route but in opposite directions.
She tells me that it’s the first time she’s taken the bus from there. I walk her to the bus stop where there’s some info on a post. We look at it but can’t tell which direction it goes in. We walk into the little shelter. There’s a map on the wall of the route. Not a very good map. I still couldn’t tell which way the bus was going.
I say we should look at the other shelter, the 152 shelter, to see that map. We check that one out but still, I’ve got nothing. I tell her that she should ask the women on the bench who look like they know what they’re doing.
She does and I walk on. I look back a few times to see how she’s doing. Where she is. And to notice that she really is attractive.
Then of course it hits me about a minute after the fact. Why the hell didn’t I offer to give her a ride since I drive past Lockheed every friggin’ day on my way home. Although the smell of my car isn’t suitable for pretty young women.
I swear (and I’m about to). WTF is wrong with me? I’m not talking about some Skinemax-like encounter. Just the brief company of another human being. A pretty young woman at that.
A man starving to death walks by a Thanksgiving turkey dinner while he’s daydreaming about a bag of chips. Followed by a cosmic, karmic I should have had a V-8 slap to the forehead.
Join us next time for “The Hot Life Guard on the Last Pool Day of the Year”.
Ho, Ender! The weekend is here. I’m going to celebrate by getting a good night’s sleep.
|Currently listening :
A Tale of God’s Will
By Terence Blanchard
Release date: By 14 August, 2007