Political Conspiracy Theory … Testicles
Category: News and Politics
I have a distasteful conspiracy theory. And you’re going to think I’m crazy. But imagine this (sorry to my Republican friends). Imagine this:
A room full of powerful men. The Vice President, lobbyists, businessmen all gathering at an exclusive country club. They sit around and talk about the fate of the country and the world. No women allowed. They laugh menacingly in the gloom and shadows, consolidating their forces in some ancient perennial ritual of power. To prolong their lives, plumbing the mysteries of immortality, they feast on the testicles of pre-adolescent males.
Then they … what. Why are you looking at me like that? Was that a little over the top? Okay, I admit it. This isn’t a conspiracy theory. It was in the news minus the gloom and shadows. And the pre-adolescent testicles were lamb balls and not human balls. The story made the news, by the way, because one of the guests was saved from choking on testicles by the judicious use of the Heimlich Maneuver.
Don’t know if this link will work but the Al Kamen’s text is below: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/24/AR2008042403617_2.html?sid=ST2008042500201
Former senator Paul Laxalt‘s all male, annual lamb fry dinner at the Georgetown Club tends not to be an especially raucous affair. The 28th dinner the other night, prepared as always in Basque style in honor of Laxalt’s heritage, featured the usual delicacy of the night, lamb’s testicles, which are said to have unusual medicinal qualities.
And they did when White House counsel Fred Fielding appeared to be choking — not on the featured delicacy, we are assured. Ron Kaufman of Dutko Worldwide (and a volunteer for Mitt Romney‘s campaign) and then Ed Rollins (who played a lead role in Mike Huckabee‘s bid for the White House) took turns trying the Heimlich maneuver to dislodge it. Rollins brought over a chair to stand on for extra leverage, one guest said.
There’s some disagreement about what happened next. One attendee said Rollins popped the obstruction out, another said Fielding eventually swallowed it. Well, either way . . .
Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. It’s just short of all the Cheney-eating-the-life-force-of-puppies jokes. I mean … come on. A bunch of rich, old white power brokers sitting around at an all men’s gathering eating testicles. Really?? Is that what you’re going to do with your money and time?
And do we really eat other animals’ babies?? That’s just disgusting. I hope that when we’re finally attacked and enslaved by alien invaders, our alien overlords will be more merciful to us than we are to the flora and fauna that we share the planet with. Ended with a preposition. And two sentence fragments.