Sexual Conditioning

Ladies and gentlemen.  America.  My friends.

You know how They say that guys think of sex every 20 seconds?  Well, in addition to that, whenever there’s a lot of sex in the news it fills in that other 19 seconds.

Recently there’s been a lot of gay in the news.  Chalk it up there with my obsessions with race, music, religion, politics and bad movies.

And speaking of gay, remember a while back when I basically said that I’m gay for David Archuleta’s voice?  Well, I was on iTunes the other day and they were promoting his CD.  I listened to samples and … what the hell did they do?  The tracks I heard were so processed.  Why would they do that?  It’s like squeezing the juice out of oranges, boiling it until there’s no taste or life or enzymes left in it and then adding vitamins and colors in the form of chemicals.


So here’s how this all began.  I was IMing with a friend a a few weeks ago and he asked me if I had watched Mike Huckabee’s interview on the Daily Show.  I have not.   I often skip the interviews.  The first segment was more or less about fiscal conservatism and the second half was about social conservatism.  Jersey’s said, if Huckabee is all about the Golden Rule then why doesn’t that apply to gay marriage?

Like, how would Huckabee react if he was prevented from being married.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.


So that led to a conversation ranging over a few topics.   Got me to thinking.  So here are some thoughts.  Oh.  If you are gay/lesbian and reading this, I may say some things that you strongly disagree with.  My sometimes dispassionate or detached analysis — I’m just sorting out my own thoughts and my goal is to be honest/genuine/logical/compassionate about those thoughts even if they aren’t pretty or socially or politically correct.  So, no disrespect intended.  Please feel free to comment and stir up some conversation if you feel the urge or if you’re doable.  And yes, I have no life.

[i’m listening to david archuleta via napster right now.  this stuff is awful.  i’m sorry.  i’m not into that over produced pop sound.  that “let’s make a pop star” approach.  if i want to listen to disney-esque pop that calls my manhood into question i’ll listen to jesse mccartney, thank you very much.]

child 44 – gay disease

I’m reading “Child 44” right now.  It’s a murder mystery thriller historical fiction serial killer hunt in Communist Soviet Union circa 1953.  Well, it’s based an actual case that occurred in the 80’s, I think.  I knew Communism could be brutal but I had no idea.  There are some eras in human history where only the true survivors, the clever, the lucky survive.  I have new found respect for Russians and all the other former Soviet states.  Stout folk.  And I’m not just saying that because Ukrainian women are … yeh. I’m single, ladies.

Homosexual acts were a crime against the state.  A disease.  Five years in a gulag.  You could be threatened and tortured until you gave up the names of other homosexuals and then you might be imprisoned.  If you’re not shot.  I tell you.  Persecuted by religious people.  Persecuted by anti-religious people.  You can’t win for losing.


I said recently that I have a theory about homophobia.   I mean, aside from xenophobia — aside from the fact that we fear and rail against anyone who is different.  The minority of any society gets the short end.   But here goes.

I think that one reason for a lot of mistrust, fear and even hatred directed at gay people is pederasty.  I asked myself a rhetorical question:  why is homophobia so widespread even among those who aren’t religious or pious? And the non-religious seem to be the most hostile and aggressive when acting out against homosexuals.

I mean, I’ve been surprised, listening to Christian radio talk shows, by the number of people who were molested when they were children.  It’s crazy.  And these are just the men and women who have come to terms with those events in their lives to the point of sharing it on the radio.

As an example, let’s take the whole Catholic Church sex scandal thing.  At certain times in their history and in certain parts of the world child molestation was practically an institution. You ever see “St. Vincent’s Boys” or the sequel?  I read somewhere that Australia was an especially heinous place to be a child in the care of the Church.   Or think of prisons and juvenile detention and the sexual abuse that occurs in that context.

Now think about the statistics involved and then take whatever numbers there are and see the face and the story behind each one.  Imagine what each one of those people thinks when they think “gay”.  Anger?  Shame?  Hate?  Helplessness?  I mean, obviously it’s not fair or logical to equate rape and child molestation with gayness.  I mean, opposite gender abuse doesn’t garner cries against heterosexuality.  Those perpetrators are labeled “pedophiles” or “rapists” or “deviants” not “filthy heterosexuals” or “heterosexual deviants” or “symptomatic of the heterosexual lifestyle”.  Definite double standard.  But I think it goes some way toward explaining or rationalizing what most of us see as an irrational fear or mistrust.

I think that if I had a radio or TV show and said that, I would get hate mail for weeks or months on end.  I’m equating this with racism, though.  Like, Southeast DC is considered a bad or rough part of town.  Of course, that’s where black folk live.  So is it racist to be on guard or mistrustful when you’re in SE?  Part of me wants to say yes.  The other part of me is aware of the number of murders that happen there every year.  And that repo and parking enforcement are scared to tow cars from there because of the number of times they’re confronted with firearms pointed in their general direction.

A reason to mistrust?  To pre-judge?  A rationalization?

sexual conditioning

Switching gears, it’s ridiculous to me how conservatives say that sexual orientation is a choice as if people are going through phases of high school cliques.  Goth one day, jock the next, prep the day after, stoner by the weekend.  As if it’s purely hedonistically recreational.

You probably know my thing by now.  I don’t believe that sexual orientation is genetic AND I don’t believe it’s a choice.  I think sexuality is genetic disposition, social training and conditioning.   I mean “conditioning” in the psychological sense.  Regardless of one’s disposition, sexual activity is a conditioning stimuli (?).  [Seinfeld]Just like George Costanza and the sex/food/tv thing.[Seinfeld]

Years ago there was an article by a young, straight guy who went to jail, was repeatedly raped and thereafter occasionally had sexual fantasies about men even after he was transferred to a prison where he was never attacked again and after he was released and had a girlfriend.  Sex is powerful.  All those hormones, endorphines, serotonin.  The feel good biochemicals.   I looked up classical conditioning and operant conditioning , but I’m not quite getting it well enough to explain.

A little help?  Anyone?

Behavior can be and is conditioned/modified, voluntarily or not.  The whole sadomasochistic thing?  Fetishes?  Watch HBO’s “Real Sex” if you want to see people combining sex with things that have no business in sex.  [shudder]


Having said that, none of this detracts from the humanity and authenticity of gay people.  It doesn’t make their love or affection any less real.  I mean, it’s all moot.  We’re all people trying to live to the fullest and find fulfillment along the way.

I’m just disappointed with the base oversimplification of our humanity.  The political polarization that strips the essence of who we are in favor of broad strokes of convenience.  You know:  religious vs. gay, masculine vs. gay, feminine vs. lesbian, conservative vs. liberal.  False dichotomies for the sake of political expediency.

So it goes.

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