Current Events: “Whitopia” & “Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?”

These are not book reviews.  I haven’t read the books.  I listened to interviews and radio programs with the respective authors.  It’s more an editorial.  My opinions on the topic not an analysis of the books.


This is interesting.  So that’s where you all are going!  The “exurbs”.

The author was also interviewed by Verna Avery Brown on WPFW.  I found it interesting that the questions she asked were … it’s like she was expecting early 20th century style racism when that’s not where the author is coming from.

It’s more about social/market forces, opportunity and security.  Plus an appreciation for ethnic diversity that applies to various cultures — food, music, dance, theater — but not the social consequences of living near or in the inner city with poor minorities.  The post-gentrification phase.

He also concluded that it’s more about class than race.  That’s what I gathered from the interviews.

“Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?”

Once or twice a year I hear this.  My hip Christian friends will know the name, Josh Harris.  He wrote “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”.  He’s kicked off a movement that continues to make waves in the evangelical Christian world.

I’ve written about this before and probably will every now and then because radio programs play these episodes a few times a year.

I’m not going to get into it too much, but the gist is that you don’t create intimacy with someone unless you intend to marry them.  That obviously means no sex, no living together, no kissing and no being alone together so as not to lead to temptation.  All social events are in groups.   You’re not dating.  You’re courting.

Josh Harris has since made a point of saying that this is what he did and he’s not saying that it’s for everyone.  It’s not a mandate.

But like I said, it’s kicked off a kind of movement or theme.  There’s also an ongoing discussion in the Christian world about single women.

There are some who say that Christian women should be a certain way.  Not aggressive, not assertive really when it comes to men.  That a woman should be feminine and inviting — without being immodest or flirting — so as to attract a man.  In some instances, they say that dating is a no-no because it creates expectations and false intimacy.  And that if she’s single well beyond what she wants or expects, then it may be God’s will for her to be single and celibate for her entire life.


If you’re a single woman and you want to get married or find a significant other, go for it.  I’m not one to give useful advice on dating and romance, but (paraphrasing something someone else said) unless you expect to marry the UPS, FedEx or pizza guy you’d better get yourself out there and make an effort.

The same person, can’t remember who it was, said that dating and relationships allow you to grow.  A lot of times the first guy you fall for, that attraction may be out of some kind of need or expectation.  It may not be entirely healthy.   You have to grow and learn about yourself through relationships with others.  That doesn’t mean you have to sleep around or sacrifice your principles.  You don’t have to dress like a rock video vixen.

Being slightly socially retarded myself, I can sincerely say that you may have to express interest in a guy.  Or you may have to be the one that says, “Hey, this friendship could be more than a friendship.”  You may have to initiate.  It may not be ideal or traditional, but it’s for real.  And you may get a “no thank you”.  That’s okay.  Not fun but it’s okay.

When I hear these Christian women talk about how God may not send them a husband so they’ll just try to mentor young women who are in relationships or to be an aunt-figure to young men and offer their help to married couples …  it’s so damn depressing.

And then someone always says at the end of the program, well one day we’ll all be the bride of Christ.

I wish you could see the look on my face right now.

I don’t care what you believe.  I don’t care if you’re an evangelical Atheist or the holiest of Christian holy rollers.  You’ve got one Here and Now.

Don’t buy into this madness that if you don’t have something it’s because it’s not meant to be.   If you applied that logic consistently, you would die of thirst or starvation or disease.  I can sit in my apartment and say that if God wanted me to be healthy he’d send me food.  But if I don’t get up every weekday and go to work to get paid so that I can go out and buy food and prepare it, I’m pushing up daisies in about a week or two.

Christian or otherwise, it’s your life.  You have to live it.

… said the guy who hasn’t left his apartment today.

1 comment

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  1. Dan

    In the words of the immortal bard:
    “Can anybody find me somebody to love?
    Each morning I get up I die a little
    Can barely stand on my feet
    Take a look in the mirror and cry
    Lord what you’re doing to me
    I have spent all my years in believing you
    But I just can’t get no relief, Lord!”

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