Social Isms: Aurae, Pt. 3 – Road Trip

I haven’t had any egg nog this year.  I’m not sure what to think of that.

Mambo number five!!!

A little bit of Monika in my life
A little bit of Erica by my side
A little bit of Rita is all I need
A little bit of Tina is what I see
A little bit of Sandra in the sun
A little bit of Mary all night long
A little bit of Jessica here I am
A little bit of you makes me your man

On the Prowl

What’s a canine to do?  Prowling, slinking, head scanning left to right.  Staying downwind, sniffing the air, catching a scent, abruptly changing direction.  That’s right.  A typical guy on a typical weekend night.

I never made it to MA.  But I did make to PA.  The lone wolf roams.  On the prowl.  Howls.

Swan Sunset

Sex in the Peety

It’s strange to think that this morning I was in PA.  And then I was at work.  And now I’m home.  I commuted from PA this morning and got to work about ten minutes earlier than I usually do.  Ironic.  I like it.  The possibilities.

I like hotels.  It’s not often that you’ll hear me sounding like an interior designer, but that pillow top mattress?  Heavenly.  Good grief.  So … many … pillows.

And yet I’m tired as hell.  I guess quality can’t quite make up for quantity.  I was exhausted this morning probably because of all the sex … which unfortunately had nothing to do with me.

Thanks to the fact that this hotel also featured doors made by Bose, apparently, which use some kind of complicated wave guide technology to amplify all sound and then project it into the room in life-like Dolby 5.1 surround sound.

I don’t understand that.  I was standing by the door, looked out the peephole as a bunch of people were walking by and it sounded like some of them were behind me.  I kid you not.  Amazing.  I had to fight the instinct to not turn and look behind me.  And they use the same technology for the door that separates two rooms.

I have to tell you about Tourettes girl.  There was a couple in the room next to me.  They sounded mid 20’s.  And I say sounded because you could hear even conversation-level talking very clearly.

Hm.  Next road trip I’m finding me one of these or something like it:  http://www.americinn.com/SoundGuard

Oh.  By the way, before I go on.  If you go to a hotel with children?  Here’s what you do first.  Get to the TV and turn the parental controls on.  Holy crap.  Consider yourself informed.   You will thank me.

There are things that I forget…

…until I experience it again.  Like exercise/workout pain.  “Oh, right.  This hurts!”

I forget that if you spend a night or two in a hotel there’s a very high probability that you’re going to hear people doin’ it through the walls.  Why aren’t hotels built with some kind of substance to them?  I’d pay a little more for a sense of peace and privacy, y’know.  When I was in Philly a few years ago at a hotel I was hearing two rooms at once from the wall next to my bed.  One room was some people watching TV.  The other room was — well, you know what I’m saying.  And the weirdest thing of all about that place.  I was on, I think, the sixth floor and could so clearly hear the traffic and people down on the street talking and yelling.

In my experience that’s all hotels.  In Utah at a motel Leika was growling at the between-room door all night.  And so was I, frankly.  I mean, why spend $5K on a pillow top mattress and $10 on the doors.  Anyway.

Here’s why I call her Tourettes Girl.  Some people drop the F-bomb at least once per sentence, minimum.  That’s one thing.  But , well let me just give you an example.  At one point her boyfriend — after a while they constantly called each other “babe” — suggested something penis related while scrolling through the porn options on the TV and her response was something like this.  No exaggeration here.

Nope.  No.  Uh uh.  Can’t do it.  Can’t do it.  No.  Can’t do it.  Caaaaaan’t do it.  Caaaaaan’t do it.  Can’t do it.  Can’t do it.  Can’tdoitcan’tdoitcan’tdoitcan’tdoit.  Just can’t do it.  Just can’t do it.  Just can’t do it.  Just can’t do it.  Can’t do it.  Can’t do it.  Can’t do it.  No.  I caaaaaaan’t do it.

For a solid minute.  At one point someone farted near or on her head (I am not making this up) and she did this:

Oh, you bitch.  You bitch.  You f*cking bitch.  You f*cking bitch.  You’re a little … you f*cking bitch.  You f*cking whore.  You f*cking bitch whore.  You’re sick!  You’re a f*cking bitch whore.  You f*cking bitch.  You bitch.  You f*cking bitch.  You sick bitch.  You sick  f*cking bitch whore.  You bitch.  You f*cking bitch.  You sick f*cking bitch.

That was when I first intentionally listened because I thought someone had been assaulted in the next room.  Or when her boyfriend started to get a little fresh there were high pitched squeals of temporary rejection.  These were well above conversation level.

BABE!  BABE, NO!  Babe.  Babe, no.  You f*cking bitch.  You f*cking — you bitch.  You f*cking whore.  BABE!  BABE!  BABE, NO!  You’re a f*cking bitch.  You f*cking bitch whore.

And so on for a good two minutes.  Speaking of which, finally the inevitable moment comes.   She’s in the bathroom preparing for what I assume is going to be a rowdy audio spectacle.  But she’s in the bathroom for a long time.  So dude gets impatient:

“Babe!”

Then a minute later.

“Babe!  What’s taking so f*cking long!”

She says, “I’m ___ my ____.”   From in their bathroom the sound was muffled a little so I didn’t hear the words.  You fill in the blanks.

A few seconds pass.  He says, “It doesn’t take that f*cking long!”

A few seconds pass.   “Babe, come on!”

She comes out of the bathroom and I hear, “I’ve got the lotion motion.”

Lotion motion?  That’s what she said.

“Yeh, put it on there.”

Then a little talking/purring.  I’m not going to tell you about her complaining about the crumbs.  That belongs in an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm”.  Then some moaning, an ass slap and two minutes later, that’s it.

I’m thinking, that’s it?  After all that?  All that noise and rowdiness and whipping out their bong ahead of time?  Like, two minutes of lousy, quick sex and then back to Ms. Tourettes at 1:30am?  She was in the bathroom seven times as long as they were at it.

Go to sleep!  You knuckleheads.

Oy vey.

I thought you’d find that little yarn entertaining.  I do.  For all my pseudo-ranting at least they were having fun.  Doing better than I was,  I have to admit.  They were making love-not-war and I was in bed unable to sleep and thinking what an entertaining blog entry it would make.  Comically, ironically tragic.

Howl.

Location Location Location

I chose that hotel, by the way, because it’s half decent and across the street from the King of Prussia Mall (the second largest mall in America, I think) and within walking distance of the familiar, beloved chains.  And the movie theater.  The IMAX 3D movie theater where I saw “300” a few years ago.  I did not see “Avatar” because it was sold out all weekend unless you bought your tix a day ahead of schedule and I didn’t have the forethought for that.  Morton’s Grill, Cheesecake Factory, Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse and so on.  And on my go-list, Bahama Breeze.

It’s also fascinating, by the way, who you’ll run across in hotels.  Christmas weekend, right.  I’m figuring it’ll be kind of quiet.  Little did I know.  Let me introduce you to the Golden Method Training winter break intensive youth wrestling camp.

Huh.  Weird.  Okay.  Moving on.

Interlude

Take your baby by the hand
And make her do a high hand stand
And take your baby by the heel
And do the next thing that you feel
We were so in phase
In our dance hall days
We were cool on craze
When I
You
And everyone we knew
Could believe
Do
And share in what was true.
I said
Dance hall days , Love

Take your baby by the hair
And pull her close and there there there
And take your baby by the ears
And play upon her darkest fears
We were so in phase
In our dance hall days
We were cool on craze
Dance hall days
Dance hall days

Aurae, Pt. 3

I always enjoy a change of pace.  And a change of venue.  I miss Leika.  Still.  Always will.  It’s like missing a limb.  I’ve always been nomadic, though, and without the pack to come home to and look out for I’m unencumbered.  If it weren’t for all that noise, a stay in a hotel anywhere clean and relatively safe would suit me fine.  WiFi.  iPhone.  Waking up one place is as good as another.

The lone wolf expands territory.

If I didn’t have a job and had some loot to spare I’d probably be in Maine by now.  Stop by the Ben & Jerry’s factory in Vermont to lodge my complaints against UniLever maybe?  Ice cream terrorist strikes again!  Ice cream terrorist sabotages vats of edible, semi-digestible chemicals with natural ingredients, aka food.

“It was horrible.  He had actual milk, cream and sugar and he put it IN the ice cream!  Oh the humanity!”

But I digress.  Oh, you know I do.

So you remember that bit I wrote in Social Isms, Pt. 2.  About seeing aurae.  Auras?  Auraes?  Whatever.  Well, here’s the flip side of that.  Let’s say you can visualize the auras, the energy, that others emanate and project.  Color, shape, texture, patterns, and how two people’s energies interact.  Right.  So then comes the question.  If you were aware of such things, how would you see yourself?

What if you were working on a business deal?  Trying to get a date?  What would you project?  With a little control.  To fit in, to stand out, to gel, to defend, to detach, to bargain/barter, to win, to support, to socially lubricate?

People practice.   Presence practice.  Gravitas.  Sometimes you have to practice your look.    Your elevator speech.  Eye contact.  First impression.

You get me.

Sometimes you’ve got to remember to burn to shine (quoth Ben Harper).  Sometimes you’ve got to remember to flicker to allure.

Sometimes you’ve got to take the show on the road.

On the road again
Just can’t wait to get on the road again
The life I love is making music with my friends
And I can’t wait to get on the road again

On the road again
Goin’ places that I’ve never been
Seein’ things that I may never see again
And I can’t wait to get on the road again

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4 comments

Add Yours
  1. Moon

    I thought of you and Leika when I saw Golden Compass today for the first time. Your trip sounds hilarious. Missed you for the gig on Saturday. It was outrageous, the sound set-up, but an interesting story it makes already. Hope to see you soon!

    • garyarthuryoung

      Hey, Moon.

      My daemon.

      I read your blog about it. Weird setup indeed. Sounded like a cool venue, though, if nothing else. And great musicians.

      Take it easy. Stay warm.

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