Horny for Jesus

I probably shouldn’t post this.  Really.  There are things I write about periodically.  Usually it’s because I hear or see something and the topic comes up again and then I get an urge to talk about it and maybe in the process refine my thinking.  And, yeh, sometimes I rant.  This particular topic hits two of my pressure points: religion and sexuality/relationships.

The Caveat

It’s this whole religious locus of control thing.  It’s a pet peeve, I guess.  As I always say when I write about religion:

I am not anti-religion.  I am at the very least nominally Christian.

So even though I may sound irreverent or disrespectful — well that’s just what it is.  I’m not trying to offend.  I like to “keep it real”.   Of course, that’s exactly what someone says when they’re about to say something offensive.

To my anti-religious and atheist friends, however you define yourselves, bear with me.  For the remainder of this post, let’s assume that the Bible is mytho-historical.  There really is a lot more to it than dogma and ignorant, hypocritical people picking out and emphasizing the parts they want to justify intolerance, oppression and abuse.  It’s much more than a collection of the superstitions of nomadic sheep herders;  I mean that in a literary sense, if nothing else.  Honest.  So much more.

Feel free to skip down to the “Horny for Jesus” section below if you want to avoid my wordy rambling and get to the good stuff.

Reading the Bible

As I read through it (admittedly for the first time in my life — cover to cover), it really does capture the complexity of the human experience.  [Actually, I’m listening to it via the Yearly Daily Audio Bible.  Great resource]

The analogies with our modern life are disarming sometimes.  And sometimes I’m thinking, “Ugh.  No wonder I never made it through the whole thing before.”  Or, “Um.  I’m not digging this whole ‘Go kill everybody over there’ thing.  How’s that fit?  How is that Christian, as we want to know it today?”

It also makes me appreciate the fact that there are those out there challenging rigid interpretations and dogmatic assumptions based on tradition and trying to live out their ideals.  Trying to express the ideals of Christ with their actions as opposed to getting caught up in crypto-Jingoistic-America worshipping-military fetish-chauvinism.

Oh, I’m rambling.  Moving on.

No Sex for You

There are many ways to pursue your faith.  It makes me uncomfortable, though, when people say that they’re waiting for God to do something for them.  Or if God wants them to have something He’ll provide it.

I don’t care what it is.  What’s that saying that I like?  Pray like it’s all up to God and work like it’s all up to you.

I listen to podcasts.  I like the sound of voices in my ear as I work or drive.  Distinct voices are even better.  They put me in trance mode.  I ran out of things to listen to recently and decided I’d get caught up with one I used to listen to.  It’s a women’s Christian program and a lot of the emphasis is on being a Godly woman.  Although I respect the sincerity and sentiment of the show, I disagree with a lot of what I hear, ESPECIALLY when it comes to relationships.  There are single women who want to get married and they’re getting older — middle aged — and they’ve decided that God hasn’t sent them a husband and so he must have a different calling for them.

Apparently, you shouldn’t have sex before marriage because it’s a sin and you’d be giving away and soiling something — your vagina — that doesn’t belong to you.  Your vagina, your sex, belongs to your future husband that God is hopefully going to send you some day.

For them, as they interpret things, that also means no sex for your entire life.  No masturbation because you’d be encouraging lust and sinning in your heart with someone’s husband/future husband.

Oh and women shouldn’t flirt with men because it’s immodest.

Oh!  And women should never initiate a wooing or date or relationship because that’s the man’s job and it’s not part of the Biblical role of a woman.

No physical affection of any kind actually — no prolonged hugging, no hand holding, no arms around the shoulder, no gentle touch or caress and so on because that would be stoking the flames that could lead to desire that could lead to sin.

The implication is that if you don’t have a man by now God may have other plans for you.  Serve him in some other fashion.  Be a blessing to women who are married and have families.  Jesus is the lover of your soul and you’ll get your reward in Heaven after you sacrifice here on Earth.

Hm.

Do you see what I mean?

Do you see why this gets my goat?  No, not because it sounds kind of  like my life.  Shut up!  That’s just coincidence.  Don’t be a wise-ass.

Ladies, just sit on your pious Christian ass and wait for a good Christian man that you’re attracted to to notice you, be attracted to you, strike up a conversation, ask you out and propose to you.  That will be a feat, especially if you’re distant and shy and putting so much energy into not doing things.  Don’t dress like this, don’t talk like that, don’t send signals, don’t be alone with a man, don’t flirt, don’t encourage, avoid intimacy.

I just ….  If you’re going to create your own Moebius strip of loneliness own up to it.  It’s not because God doesn’t want you to have it.  It’s because you’re too busy being afraid of going to get it.  What if I break a rule?!

Sometimes we carefully construct a convoluted — or pretty straightforward in this case — house of rules that allows us to sit inside safe and sound and justify our condition.  It’s not the way to accomplish anything.  Nothing.

If Jesus was fully human…

If Jesus was a man that means he was a boy and it means he was a teenager.  It means that he had a crush on the cute girl — you know, the fisherman’s daughter by the docks  — and would fall asleep thinking about her, hoping he would dream about her.   It means that he woke up some mornings with an erection because that’s just natural for a young man.  I say that to make a point.  Jesus had a libido and he was charismatic and clever and wise beyond his years.  He may not have been physically stunning, according to something I read somewhere that I can’t remember.  Apologies for that.  But he had appeal.

And yet we try to avoid the fact that Jesus grew up as a man.  We then go through some logical twists and turns, centuries of tradition and repression and say that the human body and sexuality is somehow dirty or unworthy of holiness.  Like it’s separate somehow.

The idea of Jesus having a girlfriend or wife is offensive to people!  The idea of Jesus possibly having sex I suppose is all kinds of blasphemy to their ears.  And please, if you respond to this, don’t say that Jesus couldn’t have been married  because he’s metaphorically married to The Church.  That bird don’t fly.

Do you think that Jesus ever walked along the shore holding a pretty girl’s hand?  Did he look in her eyes and enjoy making her laugh because he liked to see her dimples when she smiled?  Did he pick out the most beautiful sea shell he could find and give it to her?  He was a carpenter.  He could make her an aromatic cedar jewelry box for her to keep all of the most lovely sea shells he could find.   He’d ask his father, Joseph, for help and when his dad asked what the box was for, Jesus would blush and his father would smile knowingly and pat him on the back and help Jesus make the truest, prettiest, adorned cedar jewelry box he could.  Do you think Jesus wanted to run his fingers through her hair?  Watch a sunset with her?  Is that wrong??

Hells no!  I hope that Jesus experienced true, breathtaking love and passion.  I hope he had an innocent, sweet, awakening first kiss.  I hope he wasn’t denying himself relationships so he could be the sweet, sweet-backed lover of future Christian women’s souls (see below) after he was crucified.

Horny for Jesus

Here’s what made me put finger to keypad.  I’ve been thinking about this topic for days and then I heard this.  Here’s a link to the original transcript.  It kind of freaked me out.  To provide some context, the shows for that week were about intimacy in marriage, so there’s a metaphor here that parallels marital intimacy.  I mean, it’s very honest and open and poetic but man.  Well, here are some extracts from the transcript:

In our relationship with the Lord, times that you set apart where you have more extended, prolonged, intense communication with Him as your lover.

We need to do the things that we know give God pleasure regardless of whether or not we feel up to it, regardless of how we feel or what our circumstances are.  As we do, our love will mature and deepen.

Not just giving the outer edge of myself to the Lord, but taking the time to wait in His presence, to be still and to enjoy Him and to give myself fully to Him.

So I need to prepare myself to enjoy and experience those times of intimacy with the Lord.

Then to be creative in learning to express my love to Him in new ways, in ways that may not be as comfortable for me, in different ways, and not just to fall into the trap of settling for the routine, the predictable, the same old same old.

You have loved me with a passionate, intense, fiery, unquenchable love. You have given Yourself fully to me. You are always expressing Your love in fresh new ways. You are always available—never too tired, never preoccupied. I confess and I repent that I have not loved You in a way that is worthy of You.

Lord, please forgive me for my hurried, distracted, measured expressions of love.

Lord, You are my soul’s Lover and Lord and King. Lord, I just say these words to You now. You are my bread, my water, my highest good, my joy, my fullness. You are my life, my hope, my satisfaction. I was made for You. I want to pour myself out for You, to love You unreservedly, unashamedly, passionately, and supremely. I want to lavish on You all of my body, soul, and spirit. And Lord, I offer that prayer up to You afresh.

It’s kind of sensual.  Isn’t it?  Very Song of Solomon. It’s downright … horny for Jesus.  She wants to be ravished by Jesus.  Spiritually speaking, I mean.  “Love him in ways that may not be as comfortable for me.”  Uh … she wants Jesus to turn her soul over and … well nevermind.  She’s takin’ it for Jesus, spiritually.

When I heard that I was like, “You need a man!”

Not because all women need a man.  Not that a woman has to have a man to be complete.  I’m saying that this woman is expressing her want for love, passion and sensuality.  And yet it sounds like she does everything to avoid it.

What’s the word for when you take your attention from one thing and focus it on another?  Psychological displacement.  Thank you, Wikipedia.  Where’s Freud when you need him?

I really shouldn’t post this.

I’m not saying any of that is wrong or bad.  Maybe it’s because I’m a man that it makes me a little squeamish to think of “The Lord” as a tender but firm lover.  We all find our own way to understand and relate to our spirituality and we understand the world by extending our experiences and extrapolating metaphors and analogies.

So kudos.  But yikes.

If you want love and intimacy that much, go get it!  You don’t have to be slutty or loose or immodest or immoral to do it.  Stupid false dichotomies.  There’s  a lot of ground between being a nun and being a whore.

As usual, someone will come along and and post a comment that will make me go, “Oh.  Well that kind of makes sense then.”

But for now, my pet is still a little peeved.

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4 comments

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  1. Mimi

    Interesting post. I agree with you and that’s why I left the church. Sex is a need just like eating or sleeping. People are happier, are more relaxed and live longer when they satisfy that need. When people don’t have sex they get really cranky. But the bible is specific about lust. Paul says that I they can’t control themselves to get married though he prefers them to stay single. I think Paul just hated being married because he had a mother in law. Anyways are these verses found? Songs of Solomon are not meant for God. They are about desire and sex among couples. Jewish couples would read this book before marriage. And I do believe women make up all kinds of excuses and make themselves unavailable by saying “God will Provide”. Yes, God provides jobs after you apply for a job. God provides food and rent money after you work for a paycheck. Long story short, they need to flirt and date.

    • garyarthuryoung

      Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Mimi.

      Although I’m all for modesty and restraint to some degree, our society is a weird mix of puritanical and hedonistic/Bacchanalian. It seems off kilter. Inwardly conflicted.

      Anyhow, you said in two sentences what took me an entire blog entry to say. 🙂

  2. Hosanna

    I LOVE JESUS SOOOO MUCH THAT I DO WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO HIM!!! I DO NOT POST THIS TO MAKE FUN OF ANYONE, I’M CHRISTIAN AND LOVE JESUS WITH ALL MY HEART, SOUL, MIND, AND STRENGTH, AND MAYBE I HAVE GONE TO FAR WITH THE WHOLE “I WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO HIM” THING, BUT I CAN’T HELP IT, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I HAVE ACTUALLY FELT WHAT IT MEANS TO BE UNCONDITIONALLY LOVED, NOT JUST KNOWING IT, BUT REALLY ACTUALLY FEELING IT, AND I REALLY HONESTLY WANT TO MAKE SWEET PASSIONATE ROMANTIC LOVE WITH JESUS!!!

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