Inside: The dark times are upon us; Ego; Dance Party USA (This is embarrassing)
You have no idea how tempted I am to post LGN 99 with one sentence so I can officially move on to LGN 100. But no. I will maintain my blogger integrity. My fan are counting on me.
WINTER IS UPON US
The dark times are nigh.
I’m worried. Like … I’m actually a little anxious. Things are already starting to slow down, activity-wise. The days are getting shorter. Sunset is around 7:00pm. In a few weeks we’ll “fall back” the clocks and sunset will be around 11:45am.
I have no idea what I’m going to do during the cold, dark months. Four to five months of no kayaking. No after work bike rides or hikes. Winter isolation is brutal.
I wonder if it’s comfortable to hibernate. I mean, do bears feel groggy and listless all Winter long or is it a refreshing down time? Or is it mostly an unconscious, memory-less state? Or is it a form of Seasonal Affected Disorder? Are they laying around thinking the bear equivalent of, “Sigh. I have to pee but I don’t feel like moving. What’s the point. I’ll just wait until Spring.”
On the other hand, I’m sitting here thinking about what might happen weeks and months from now. That’s a very effective way to not live your life. A lot of good stuff can happen in weeks. A lot of living. As the antagonist in one of the Helen Mirren “Prime Suspect” series said, “A lot can happen in a minute.”
There’s some good stuff coming. Snow storms. Hot chocolate. Pumpkin spice. Wearing layers. I don’t know how to ski or snowboard but hey. Winter’s the time, right.
I’ll figure something out. It’s the perfect time to do more classes at the gym. Other classes, too. There needs to be a Torpedo Factory in Fairfax.
Last month during one of the family meetings arranging details for my stepfather’s funeral, I think, we were sitting around talking. And I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I didn’t care about the details. I mean, I wanted things to be nice and professional, of course, but I don’t believe in opulent spending to mourn/celebrate and bury someone. To be honest, I think that it’s ridiculous that it costs thousands upon thousands of dollars to have a funeral.
Someone asked my opinion about something and I said, “Uh. Well … I am indifferent to the details. You have a vision and I’m good with that.”
I didn’t want to be part of the service, though. Like, I didn’t want to play music for it or speak. My usually watertight psychological/emotional compartmentalization vaults were already cracking at the seams.
My sisters and mother found out about the blog entry I wrote during the meeting with the funeral director. They were saying how I could write or do photography or play music or whatever. I was like, “Meh. Yeh. I did that stuff instead of having a social life.”
And my mother said, “He has no ego.”
Obviously, we all have egos and those egos can run us. I’m no different. I do have a tendency to let go of things, though. Detachment? Compartmentalization that I mentioned above.
I want people to appreciate what I do. Recognition is nice. I’m addicted to those little red notification bubbles on social media, too. Give me all the Likes! All of them!
I could stand to be more assertive or even aggressive when it comes to, say, selling photos or photoshoots, finding a way to publish my writing, music. To make a little scratch from my talents, is what I’m saying.
I’ve got photo and multimedia projects in mind and there are people I’d like to collaborate with.
Fitness-wise, I wish I could motivate people to step on their personal path towards being healthier and fitter.
For myself, I want to cut the B.S. and lean out. I’m getting fitter all the time even though it’s not a linear process. You lose what you don’t use so it never ends. I’m tired of being overweight. I want that fit look and that’s definitely ego talking there. I mean, I’ll finally be worthy of love and affection when I have defined abs, right? I’m pretty sure that’s how it works.
But at some point you realize that people are going to do what they do when they want to do it. We have to accept people for who they are and where they are in their life (while not tolerating or enabling crappy behavior).
We’ve all spent time with people who take the things that other people do personally and seem to be on high alert for things or behavior that offends them. We never know what’s going on in those other people’s lives, though. Or maybe those other people really are jerks. Either way. 99% of the time their behavior has nothing to do with us even though they cut us off, or didn’t hold the door open, or said something rude, or whatever.
I think it’s important to practice letting go because that’s how we learn to accept and forgive ourselves the same way, hopefully.
Hm. Now that I’ve processed that via writing, I’d say that I’m in a constant state of convincing my ego to let go of things.
I’m getting better as life goes on, but life is also kind of a butt that way. Life just keeps throwing bigger challenges at you, personally tailored to test you where you’re weakest.
So it goes.
DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION
Speaking of ego, this is embarrassing, but I don’t care. Well, I do care but I’m doing it anyway. I’ve been thinking about taking dance lessons of some sort. What kind, I don’t know.
If I drew a circle representing my comfort zone, this would be far outside of the circumference of that circle. I’d rather take ten more Kayak Rescue & Recovery Classes.
I don’t know what my problem is. I’m a musician. I love music. I make music. I love watching people dance. I’m dancing on the inside. I just don’t feel right dancing with my body, if that makes sense. I definitely excel in holding up walls and standing next to buffets, though. A strong skillset in that area.
The last time someone convinced me to dance in public it was someone’s drunk girlfriend at a wedding, which quickly ended when said drunk boyfriend decided that someone paying attention to his drunk girlfriend was suddenly more important than the bar. When was that? 2005? 2006? I don’t know.
So I bought this thing off the internet. I know. I know. Ugh. I was curious, though. Is it wrong for me to say that I was disappointed that I spent money on a dancing tutorial that wasn’t by black people? It would be like someone paying me for a tutorial on cotillion decorum and how to play polo. Well, not really. But still.
I guess I could just watch YouTube videos. A few years ago I did run across dance instruction videos on Cox Cable OnDemand. Booty Popping 101. No joke. I watched it a number of times. It was very educational.
This dude can dance. He’s the guy in Meghan Trainor’s video. I don’t really know who she is either. It’s a shame that all the comments are about the fact that he’s fat. He can move, though. Doing a handstand is one of my goals.