LGN 122: The Why and The Who

Inside: What’s my why?; What am I looking for in a woman?? That’s a random, if not timely, question.


That’s a good question. Why do I train? Why do I do this? Why do I do anything? Justin asked the group what our “why” is. Not just “what are your goals” but what are your goals for? What purpose do they serve?

  1. I want to be healthy and fit enough to work and play for decades. I want to die young as old as possible. I want to have the energy and endurance to explore. Explore with people and share new things – new places, new faces. I want to live.
  2. I want to set an example for my loved ones. I want to walk the walk. I want to show results so that they’re inspired to get their own results.
  3. I need to be strong as hell for my loved ones. As time passes fewer of us are able-bodied.
  4. I want to transform and live up to my own expectations and standards so that I can be sharp and in focus and not out of phase and blurry, translucent or even invisible.
  5. I want to have the confidence and energy to have a balanced, healthy social life complete with plenty of constructive me-time between the adventures. I want anyone I interact with to be better for it.
  6. I want to have the confidence and energy to attract positive people.
  7. I want to have the energy and fire to pursue all of my creative outlets.


While I’m at it, Goodkind asked what I’m looking for in a woman. Even though I have a spiel in my head I didn’t explain it well. He recommended that I write it down. Give voice to it. So let’s do it. Against my better judgement I’m going to share it. Then after I post it I’ll get cold feet and remove it. Then I’ll be ashamed of myself for fearing judgement when life’s too short to go around stifling yourself because of what other people think.

A lot of this – not all, obviously, ’cause that would be weird – is also describing the kind of people I want in my circle, my tribe, in general.

Physically, a cute face and a round ass is the biz. That’s one of my types. The types.   Instantly: “This is what love feels like, isn’t it.” 

But wait. 

There’s more.  

Because curvy is cool and hot but there are so many ways to be attractive/beautiful/sexy and most of them are subtler than hip-hop-video-vixen-pop-porn-star-in-yoga-pants standards. I like petite women. Zaftig women. Lean athletic women with toned or muscular legs. Strong women. Women who look like they lift. Curly hair or just down. Natural is a kind of “down”. Random fetish: That hairstyle with the shaved sides like Natalie Dormer in the Hunger Games movies gives me chills for some reason. 

I don’t know. It’s like good art. I know it when I see it.

I love tomboys. Women who aren’t afraid to get dirty or muddy or wet. We’d play well together. Outdoorsy is a must. Someone I can pursue health and fitness with. I want someone who wants to adventure with me. With me. With me.  I mean, not solely with me at all times, but someone who notices if I’m not there. Who wants to experience it with me like when you round the bend or reach the peak or get to the ice cream shop and you slow down so that you get there together and are in awe together.

Youthful. “Younger” wouldn’t be accurate. I’ve got no problem with younger (text me) but young at heart is more important.

Someone who’s stable. Not stuck, but stable. Some of my favorite people have that wanderlust thing going on. That’s great and they’re amazing but I’d love to find someone who isn’t addicted to leaving. Who doesn’t feel that irresistible itch to change/leave/disrupt as soon as they experience a whiff of comfort or stability. Not sure I’m explaining that well. But if that describes you, live your life. Drink it all in.

A good sense of humor that isn’t vicious or at the expense of others is a must. Someone who can make me laugh and vice versa.

She has to be smart in some way. There are different ways to be smart. I know people who don’t think they’re smart because they’re not geeky who are, imo, geniuses when it comes to people or common sense or life experience. A little bit spacy is endearing but full blown absent-mindedness is a bit much.

I want someone I can learn from and who I can share with. Someone who has an interest in current events and social ills but who isn’t consumed, obsessed or embittered by it all.

If this is a wish list, I’d love to have someone to collaborate with creatively in some way. Like, make, write and perform music. Or music/dance/art. Or someone who likes having their photo taken so we could go out on a whim – like in a storm, camping, hiking, photowalking, road tripping – and make amazing art or just have fun.

I want to find someone with overlapping interests but who’s comfortable having her own space and letting me have my own space, too. If there’s something she wants to do that I don’t – like a marathon, for example – she’d be alright with me not doing it and I would support her, maybe train with her a little bit, and cheer her on. Turnabout is fair play, of course.

Someone who’s neater than I am would be nice. I like being neat and organized. I just need a reason.

I want a woman who can argue without being abusive or cruel and who doesn’t lose her s— when things don’t go as expected.

Practical and rational but with a bit of spontaneity and playfulness.

Someone who believes in the value of honesty and some degree of openness. Not a prude but not particularly foul-mouthed.

An introverted extrovert? That’s a real thing.

In general we’re all looking for a healthy balance of traits in our friends and significant others, as opposed to extremes and neuroses. This isn’t some kind of Madonna-whore dichotomous impossible standard. Faithful freak isn’t necessarily an oxymoron.

Also, I’m not looking for “the perfect woman” or “the one”.

Whenever someone tells me I’ll find the perfect woman some day, I say, “I’ll settle for a few good ones in the meanwhile. Or a lot of bad ones.”

Well, I said that once before but it’s a good line and I’m officially declaring it as a thing I say. 

I don’t really mean the last part, though. That would be exhausting dealing with nonsense and drama. No time for that. I got thangs to do.

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