Inside: I attached too many photos so it’ll take a while to load. Rookie mistake.
The word of the year is “limerence”.
Let’s start here. I had a list of things I wanted to do/accomplish in 2017. Let’s take a look at that.
Learn to swim
- Learn to shoot (right handed and left eye dominant is awkward)
- Photo exhibit at Artomatic
Play live music
- Write a book (or finish a book since I’ve started stories)
Continue to recuperate the knees
- PRs in the gym
- Do the health thing
Road trip, travel
- And more…
Personally, I predict intense restlessness. I’m kind of overwhelmed and overstimulated and overbored at the same time. I know I’m not the only one.
I need to get better at doing the things I mean to do. I need to make more music, one way or another. I need to work on my hat art.
I want to take more photos of people. I want to experiment with color palettes, shapes and sensuality. Visually stunning in ways other than raw sex appeal.
A few years ago I quipped about making my mark, finding my niche, maybe even actually making money by being a butt photographer. Haha. Very funny.
Now everybody’s a butt photographer! Go figure.
I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT
I did do a lot of things I wanted to and things I didn’t expect at all. There was some good stuff in there. It’s easy to forget what happened. It’s times like this that I’m glad I have a photography addiction.
I got a taste of scuba diving and riding a motorcycle. I painted and drew. Drew? Drawed? Draweded? Drizzled? Whatever. I performed music live for the first time in ages. I spent time with the family at Massanutten, New York, Orlando, and Las Vegas. Saw the Grand Canyon. Got stronger. Also gained weight but we’re not talking about that right now. Went on a road trip and visited cities for the first time. I miss the road.
Alright. Let’s get real. I’ve got issues. Let’s talk about them. This Winter has been more even-keeled, for lack of a better word, than recent years. That’s a relief. It came at a cost, though.
I often find myself mired in loneliness and isolation depression. Isolonelipression. Deisopressliness. Isolation registers in the same parts of the brain as physical pain, which some of you will relate to. Like, there are times when I can’t engage my gears to get out of the apartment or to enjoy things that I like to do. Anhedonia.
It’s ridiculous because it’s not because I have an arbitrary chemical imbalance. Some people do. What I’m trying to describe is the difference between being in pain because you broke your arm and being in pain because you suffer from chronic pain, if that makes sense.
That’s part of the reason why I find interesting things to do. Aside from living life to one’s personal concept of “fullest”, it’s important to have something to look forward to.
I’ve got a lot of hobbies, some individual and some social, but motivation requires inner combustion. Combustion requires a spark and then the fuel to maintain. Hm. I do have strong introvert tendencies, for sure. I’m brought to life hanging out with a friend or a few good friends. Big parties, happy hours, and that kind of thing? Meh.
I had a good run for a year or two of having people to hang out with, seasonally at least. Once you get a taste of having a tribe it kind of sours that rugged individualist way of being.
I kind of want to recreate that.
But even back then it became clear that I wasn’t building relationships that exist outside of an organized activity or event. It hit me when (being admittedly emo) I was lonely and frustrated during the outings that I had sweated over planning and organizing. Eventually, I burned myself out; I used up all of my inner fuel and reserves and had no way to replenish. And that’s on me, of course. I did that to myself. Bought into my own hype.
I do NOT want to recreate that.
But all things come to an end. Scenes come and go. People come and go. Phases and ages and cliques and squads. Come and go.
The future is forward.
And this year I just did my own thing. I invested in myself. I embraced the solitude, spikes, thorns and all. Impaled and scratched up but in control. Avoiding expectations of others. Expectations are the mother of all disappointments.
I spent my time trying to find a scene and companionship by doing things that I like to do and things that inspire me, hoping to meet people with similar interests, schedules, availability, and priorities.
“How’s that working out for you?” you ask.
It’s not. It’s impossible. Shut up.
Maybe I should start a meetup group.
Let’s see. What are some things I want to accomplish in 2018? I haven’t given it much thought yet.
- Swim in the Caribbean
- Drastically improve swimming fitness and skill level so I can swim laps
- Get the PADI Scuba Diving Open Water Certification
- Go snowboarding and hope my knees are okay with it
- Not die
- Be proactive about my health
- Camp more
- Go backpacking
- Find models/artists to collaborate with
- Photograph more people
- Play/record/perform more music
- See more live music
- Focus on getting lean, whereas 2017 was about strengthening to stabilize the joints
- Focus on mobility and flexibility
- Spend less time in front of screens
- Spend less time sitting
- Save money
- Meet people with similar interests, schedules, and priorities
- Have a social life; a love life
- Do the cool things I want to do not-alone
- Friends and family over social media notifications
You know, the more I do, the longer my To Do list gets.
Abracadabra, am I right?