We celebrated Grandma’s birthday yesterday. It was a big deal. Lot of people. Five generations.
It was good to see family again. You all know how it goes. Families tend to be dispersed and busy with their lives so funerals and weddings tend to draw them from afar. So we were able to celebrate Grandma’s life and shower her with our appreciation and love. Family from her side and my late grandfather’s side, neighbors, Turner Station families, pastors, nieces, nephews, cousins, children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, great great grandchildren. She’s the cornerstone of our family. Still.
A little less than two years ago I started an outdoor-centric YouTube channel called “BlackoutDoors“, as in black outdoors.
It kind of sucks so I’m not saying that you should go there just yet. There’s a reason that I only have 10 subscribers and most of the videos get approximately zero views, on average. They tend to be something like this. Footage, music, no narration, no focus on people, and no story. There’s definitely potential.
I’m writing this (and googling calf massagers) right now for one reason. So I don’t eat.
I’ve been doing intermittent fasting for about four weeks now. 16/8. In other words, I have an eight hour feeding window, usually from 2pm to 10pm, give or take.
I’m not sure how much progress I’ve made. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting results. Other times, not so much. When I see the family today, I’m sure someone will comment on my weight or physique, or lack thereof. Haha. You know how fam’ly do. I have an end-of-the-cycle weigh-in the next time I’m in the gym so we’ll see. I’ll be disappointed if the scale or body fat numbers haven’t improved. Then I’ll have to pay closer attention to the other numbers: calories, macros, micros, quality of food.
I shook my head and swiped to the next blood red news. Fourteen injured and I didn’t blink. I didn’t think any more of it. That’s how inured I am. It was type on pages. Then I saw their faces and the shell of apathy cracked and the patina faded. These kids are dead. These children died. And I’m a grown man so when I cried it was on the inside and I took deep breaths until — my eyes cleared and the lump in my throat subsided. Choke down the shame that our society decided that this is the price of freedom.
Technically, first cousin once removed, which (I had to look it up) qualifies as nephew. But nephew doesn’t seem quite right.
Apparently, there had been a storm brewing for a long time. There’s only so much a person can take and only so much a person can do.
I understand. I don’t even know what to say. When it comes to mental health, we need to be okay getting help the same as if we needed surgery or stitches or broke a bone. But what do we do when that doesn’t work? When the bone is set but never fully mends? Life isn’t kind sometimes. Life isn’t fair. We struggle with things we didn’t ask for, earn, or deserve.
Keep trying. Fight the good fight. Love and be loved. Be kind to ourselves. Be patient with ourselves. And live as an action. With intent.
Inside: Snowboarding! Return of the Mack; Swim IV; the Cooper Test
You don’t understand.
I am stoked to be able to snowboard. I’ve been thinking for years that I was going to have to sell all of my snowboard gear.
Back in early 2015 I did the REI Learn to Ski or Snowboard class at Liberty Resort. Then I kept going back. Went with some friends once or twice. M showed me the ropes and ended up taking me on a black diamond run. I wasn’t ready. I wanted to be. I wasn’t. D and Z spent some quality time with me on a weekday night on the green runs. Many thanks. I bought the rest-of-the-season deal, I bought a snowboard and accessories, and my family gave me $$ for my birthday so I could buy a season pass for the following season. (Guess who cheaped out and didn’t buy the season pass insurance.)